If Music Could Kill, by ITC

I really like ITC's pieces. I read this one a long time ago, and I've been seeing a lot of music lately, so it seemed fitting. Gosh darn music, so hard to hate it.

If Music Could Kill

What's up with music?

Seriously, who the hell does it think it is? I get up in the morning, eat breakfast, make some coffee, walk out to my car, start the engine and THERE IT IS! Right there in my fucking car! Did I ASK for it!? Did I personally request that music be played on my morning drive?

But I'm not normally a difficult person, so I bear with it. I could turn it off, yeah, but then it would win, right? I don't want some inanimate, intangible concept getting the best of me. No, I'm gonna come out of this thing on top.

So as I drive, I start to actually listen to the stuff, and get this. It's GOOD! I'm actually enjoying this crap! And I'm sittin' there, thinkin' to myself "My God, what's it's deal!?" I turn it up, thinking that maybe if I make it more obnoxious I won't enjoy it as much, but you know what fucking happened? I started nodding my head. TO THE RHYTHM! I shit you not, I was even tapping my toes! I don't even know what happened!

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of torture and humiliation, feeling mocked by every pluck of the bass and up-beat high hat, the song finally came to an end. At last, it was over. But before I could even wipe the sweat off my brow and pay attention to the road again, you know what music fucking did?

It fucking started again! Whole new song, too! I was only thankful it didn't have such a catchy beat like the last one. It actually started out pretty quiet, I could practically tune it out. But my mind being as easily stimulated as it is, I started listening to it more closely. That shit was BEAUTIFUL! Goddamn, I could have sworn there were angels in my speakers putting Shakespeare's greatest works to song! With every passing note, every crescendo, every rise and fall of the cascading strings, as the lyrics reached deeper and deeper into the depths, the heart of human emotion, tears threatened to well behind my eyes. How could I ignore such brilliant artwork. How could anyone brush off this masterpiece as mere calculated noise?

I don't even know how I made it to work without getting into a wreck or succumbing to hysterics [or more likely both], but I finally did. With a stern twist of the key I switched the engine, then battery off. I took a moment to savor the immediate silence, then breathed a long sigh of relief. And by God, I prayed I would never have to go through that shit ever again.

Fuck, if music could kill...